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Topic review

Roxanne

on Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:19 am

She wasn't the prettiest girl. She wasn't the smartest, nor the nicest, nor the most popular girl. She was just Catherine, a girl who got good grades, but yet felt dumb. She enjoyed wearing makeup to try to make herself look beautiful, but yet she never felt pretty enough. Catherine didn't have low self-esteem though, she was just never good enough. Guys didn't chase after her at all, and her friends stabbed her in the back so often that she actually felt like there was a knife stuck right in between her shoulder blades. Catherine was just Catherine, but that never seemed to be enough.


Okay, I've only just started reading this but I just want to give you some comments on the Prologue. Yes, I'm in a reviewie-type-of-mood. You'll probably see me a lot XD

Instead of "nor" it would sound better if you put "or". "Nor" is generally used when "neither" is in the sentence. E.g.

Catherine was neither nice nor popular.

But and yet are words that imply opposition:

But marks an opposition or contrast, though in a casual way: We are going, but we shall return.

Yet implies that in spite of a preceding concession, there is still a chance for a different outcome: We are going; yet (“in spite of all, some day”), we shall return.


It would sound better to simply use one of them instead of both.

Other than those two things I think it's great! The Prologue is catchy because Catherine comes off as unusual character who's not had a fantastic life and in a strange way it makes you want to read more.

Keep going Christina! ^_^

Christina

on Sat May 23, 2009 1:33 pm

Yeah, I need to write that better. I meant it as in she didn't really care what their names were, so I'll change that.

I'll add an update soon, but I need to get some more ideas first.

Burning Rose

on Mon May 18, 2009 11:38 am

She had always despised Jill, and while she could at least stand Haley, she knew the two would be together.

"Jenny, Cara, can I talk to you?" she asked timidly.


You have two different sets of names, Just thought I'd point that out.


Anyways, really good. keep it up. =)

Christina

on Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:58 pm

Although this place is dead/dying, I must continue on Very Happy
~~~~~~~~~~

Igore

He awoke to the smell of urine and blood. Embarassed that he, a thirty year old man, had wet himself, he stripped quickly and pulled a pair of pants and undergarments out of his bag. With no one on the roads, he easily changed into his new attire and left, leaving the stench of the old ones behind. It was better that he change anyway to avoid being recognized. With one hand on the cut on his bald head and the other on the gash on his leg, he limped off. The next sign said that Raleigh was in two miles, and he knew exactly where he needed to go.

Lucas/Stella

School that day was going to be hard, Stella knew that much. She had always despised Jill and Carrie, or whatever their names were. She also knew the two would be together, thus killing two birds with one stone. When she found them before class began, she took a deep breath and approached cautiously.

"Jenny, Cara, can I talk to you?" she asked timidly. While Stella was normally a courageous person, talking to Catherine's best friends made her strong voice soft and fragile.

"Stella," Cara said monotonously, rolling her eyes before continuing. "What do you need, another pair of jeans," she mocked, looking down at Stella's holey pair.

"Actually, I was just wondering where you got that nose job, it looks great" Stella remarked sarcastically. Just as Cara and Jenny turned away, she pitifully said, "I was wondering if you've seen Catherine lately. She's been gone for awhile, and I thought maybe you knew where she went?" Stella asked.

"Isn't she your ex-best friend? As in, no longer a part or your life?" Jenny asked. While Jenny was seemingly sweet on the outside, she was also a bit bitchier than Cara.

"Yeah, but I just found out some news about her sister that I thought she should know," Stella lied.

"Oh. Well, now that you mention it, she didn't mention a vacay. But she might have just left randomly, she can be a little flighty," Cara said.

Stella gaped at this. Catherine was one of the most stable people she knew, and she never left without telling someone. Some best friends, Stella thought and walked away. Even though she hadn't gotten any help what-so-ever, she knew that there was no way those two bimbos would know what she was talking about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Catherine/Sam

Catherine awoke feeling very refreshed, and with a new memory. She dreamt about her parents, a young man and woman at the time, as they held presumably her in her arms. Then, a girl, about seven, screamed viciously.

*DREAM*
"I wanna hold her!!"

The parents quickly put the baby in her arms, and she rocked her side to side.

"Cathy, my Cathy. I promise to always protect you, no matter what," the girl said, looking lovingly into the newborn's eyes.

~~~~~

Catherine didn't know who the girl was, except that she now had a sister. But she quickly shook the thoughts off as she walked to the fridge. She still couldn't get over how much more comfortable she felt at Sam's place. Just then, Sam stepped into the kitchen, her lean, long legs flowing together as she walked.

Sam put her hand on Catherine's shoulder, causing Catherine to leap. She knew that Sam wouldn't hurt her, but she still couldn't shake the fear of being beaten again.

"Sorry...." Sam said quietly.

"s'alright. Are you married?" Catherine asked, noticing the ring on Sam's finger.

"Yeah, newlywed. My husband, Mark Davidson is overseas fighting the war," Sam said proudly. "Did you remember anything new?"

"Yeah, I have a sister. She's seven or eight years older than me, so I guess that would make her 23."

"That's strange...."

"What?"

"My sister's name is Catherine, she's sixteen and I'm 23. We used to be very close, but we had a falling out three years ago because.....well, she had a best friend who came to visit me here, and she solved a case that the police were supposed to solve. Almost got herself killed and she was only thirteen.....Anyways, she was coming to visit and talk, since her and Stella also had a falling out. My point is, she looked a lot like you. But she was emancipated and lived somewhere in the southeast, like South Carolina or Kentucky," Sam said. SHe knew this girl couldn't possibly be her sister, she was so...different. Catherine hated girly clothes, and this girl had bought a lot of them. Catherine also was very dark and loved black, but this girl was quiet but very kind.

"That's eery...." Catherine said. She knew that she had a sister, but she also knew that she wasn't Sam's sister. Sam was so calculated, of course she would know or at least recognize her own sister......wouldn't she?

Roxanne

on Tue Feb 17, 2009 11:22 am

I'd love to see more of this story Christina. I've been hooked and now I can't wait for more. :]

Current date/time is Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:36 pm