Tee hee, I love this!

However...

Red Starlight wrote:"HEY!" He yelled at her not so secret admirer"I *hiccup* heard you've been hittin on my girl. Haven't you ever head of loyalty?!?"

Instead of using *'s to indicate the character hiccuping during the conversation, I would suggest writing something along the lines of:

- He hiccuped as he spoke.

Either before or after his dialogue.

That or you could do something like this:

"I heard," he hiccuped and then continued to talk. "you've been hitting on my girl...."

This gives readers a better discription and it looks better on the page. ^^

Other than that, I can't see anything else that could improve the entry at the moment.

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My Entry ::

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She stood in the centre of the stage in her blue skinny flare jeans and baggy blue top. The effect was desirable – the skinny flare jeans assuring everyone she was skinny and the blue top making her look a little less anorexic. Had she been taller she would have been anorexic but for her height, 5ft 3, she was ideal. Her long blonde hair curled inward a little at the end framing her face perfectly. She stood around half a metre from the microphone just waiting.

The stage was in utter darkness. There was music playing as a short film played on the wall behind her. It flashed through the hopeful faces of the band, then, when the music picked up a little, it showed a few short clips of the band practicing with enthusiasm that some could only dream they had. Once the film had finished and the music stopped playing, the spotlights flickered on quickly lighting up the members of the band and they started playing their re-make of the Veronicas’ song Untouched almost instantly.

She looked down at him briefly to see him smiling up at her. Her heart fluttered a little and she faltered – once, twice, three times. She looked up at the ceiling and concentrated on the song and her singing for a few moments before focusing on the judges and keeping eye contact with them as she sang.

The band finished and cleared the stage quickly so that the next band could take their place. Now, all they had to do was wait. They stood at the back of the room pacing – she felt as if every band member was cursing her in their minds. She cursed herself whenever she felt the band had done better then them. She sighed and slumped against the wall.

“We are now going to announce the winners,” one of the judges spoke a few minutes after the last band had left the stage. Every band member jumped to their feet to listen carefully. “In last place… Excalibur Zero.” There were several cheers and boos. “In third place… Northern Mark.” She sighed a sigh of relief. “In second place…” She was sure this was going to be them. “The Poisonous Trio.” She felt as if she might faint. “In first place… the school official band… the Red Dragons!” She tumbled a little but was caught by someone behind her.

“No way!” she muttered. They had come first place despite her slip up.

“Are you okay?” he asked. She looked around slowly to see him holding her inches off the ground. She got to her feet and turned around properly. She nodded in response. “You were great you know.” She smiled.

“Thanks,” she mumbled. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek before she went to celebrate with her band members.