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The Story of An Ordinary Girl [PG-13]

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Christina
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Re: The Story of An Ordinary Girl [PG-13]

Post by Christina on Sat May 23, 2009 1:33 pm

Yeah, I need to write that better. I meant it as in she didn't really care what their names were, so I'll change that.

I'll add an update soon, but I need to get some more ideas first.


_________________
~Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting...and though unwanted...unbidden...it will stir...open it's jaws, and howl. It speaks to us...guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?~

Roxanne
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Re: The Story of An Ordinary Girl [PG-13]

Post by Roxanne on Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:19 am

She wasn't the prettiest girl. She wasn't the smartest, nor the nicest, nor the most popular girl. She was just Catherine, a girl who got good grades, but yet felt dumb. She enjoyed wearing makeup to try to make herself look beautiful, but yet she never felt pretty enough. Catherine didn't have low self-esteem though, she was just never good enough. Guys didn't chase after her at all, and her friends stabbed her in the back so often that she actually felt like there was a knife stuck right in between her shoulder blades. Catherine was just Catherine, but that never seemed to be enough.


Okay, I've only just started reading this but I just want to give you some comments on the Prologue. Yes, I'm in a reviewie-type-of-mood. You'll probably see me a lot XD

Instead of "nor" it would sound better if you put "or". "Nor" is generally used when "neither" is in the sentence. E.g.

Catherine was neither nice nor popular.

But and yet are words that imply opposition:

But marks an opposition or contrast, though in a casual way: We are going, but we shall return.

Yet implies that in spite of a preceding concession, there is still a chance for a different outcome: We are going; yet (“in spite of all, some day”), we shall return.


It would sound better to simply use one of them instead of both.

Other than those two things I think it's great! The Prologue is catchy because Catherine comes off as unusual character who's not had a fantastic life and in a strange way it makes you want to read more.

Keep going Christina! ^_^
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